A good friend just said to me last week, "There's always so much drama in weddings - no matter how drama-free the couple is." It's so very true.
In an attempt to escape drama, I asked Andy every day for months if we could elope. I find the organizing portion of the planning to be exhilarating (and Type A I am not, actually), but the decision-making can be excruciating. And oh, the drama and the judgment.
When people ask how many guests we're having, I tend to sheepishly recite our guest count number in embarrassment, anticipating the "Oh. That's a big wedding," reaction, as if we're purposely being obnoxious.
But the truth is, I like big weddings, and I really couldn't imagine it another way. Andy has a large, traditional family, and I wanted to include all of mine as well. Andy also put a priority on having children at the wedding -- we have differing philosophies when it comes to this, but for the greater good I acquiesced.
Overall, however, we are "the more the merrier" types of people when it comes to celebrations, and frankly, in addition to our somewhat large families, we both have a lot of friends - more, in fact, than we can afford to invite.
Many wedding blogs and authorities on etiquette (thank you, Martha!) have suggestions on rules to impose on you and your fiance in order to tame the guest list. We did it a little like this:
- Family first - We tallied up our family members, including children and dates for those with serious significant others, over age 21 and living on their own.
- Bridal party - We have what I believe to be a modest bridal party (so you can again stop rolling your eyes) - 5 attendees on each side, plus Andy's oldest niece as our flower girl and three ushers. I say modest compared to weddings with nearly a dozen attendees on one side alone. Plus, with our larger guest list, this number makes sense. (Somewhere, someone dictates something like one attendee per dozen guests).
- Children - We opted to limit this slightly. Family and members of the wedding party may bring their children. We did this largely for convenience for those traveling far or participating in our wedding. We felt as though most local families would be able to find a sitter for one evening with enough notice as this would require less of a time commitment than for those who would need to stay over.
- Family friends - Our parents sent us a very limited number of "must" guests, so we lucked out there (plus we really like the ones they asked us to include!)
- Friends - This is where it got tough. How do you balance the people you experienced so much of a previous life with but just don't see anymore or talk to with any regularity? I hate to admit we have a "B" list because it seems so tacky and rude, but in an effort to reign in our master guest list number, we simply had to.
I really cannot imagine someone being offended by not receiving a wedding invitation. That frame of mind just goes beyond my mental capabilities. However, I hope we do not find that is the case on any level.
In regard to our differing philosophies on children at weddings, it is simple: I believe weddings are adult celebrations; He sees them as family events. We intend to have the best of both worlds at our reception. We have reserved a small room next to our ballroom and hired two babysitters for the evening. We'll equip them with DVDs, coloring books, games and some kid-friendly snacks and allow parents to take advantage of our reception how they choose.
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